Abe Lincoln / Narrator (voice)
Principal Dr. Cinnamon J. Scudworth (voice)
Gandhi (voice)
Cleopatra (voice)
JFK / Mr. Butlertron (voice)
Joan of Arc (voice)
Julius Caesar / Carl (voice) / Julius Caesar (voice)
George Washington Carver (voice) / Toots / Wally (voice)
Mr. Sheepman (voice) / Mr. Sheepman / Van Gogh / Police Officer (voice)
The Shadowy Figure (voice) (uncredited)
Scangrade (voice) / Dreidelstein (voice)
Catherine the Great (voice) / Gene Kelly (voice) (uncredited)
Reporter (voice) / Girl in Commercial (voice)
Marie Antoinette (voice) / X-Stream Erin (voice)
Paul Revere (voice) / X-Stream Mike (voice)
Abe’s Foster Dad (voice)
Marilyn Manson (voice) / Marilyn Manson (voice) (uncredited)
Gandhi's Remaining Kidney (voice)
Mandy Moore (voice)
Ponce de León (voice)
Creepy Trucker (voice)
Chris Berman (voice)
John Stamos (voice)
Pusher / Larry Hardcore (voice)
